Chapter 23 — Little Sister
Purple Streets of Chang'an · Page 1 of 4
Tiny ants marched in neat, orderly files, methodically hauling morsels of food down into their burrow.
Zhao Zhangru waved at Dou Yan, her face bright with excitement. "Hurry, hurry!" She bent her head and crumbled the steamed white bun in her hand, scattering the pieces on the ground.
The ants swarmed over at once, working together to drag the crumbs toward the old locust tree.
Dou Yan walked over slowly and crouched down beside Zhao Zhangru, gazing at her sweet, artless little face, and for a moment her mind wandered far away.
She thought of her daughter, Yin.
After her first miscarriage, both her mother-in-law and Wei Fan had spoken of her with no small reproach, and Wei Wan had been even more blunt: "Your Dou family has served as officials for generations—how is it no one taught you the proper ways?" She had wanted to send a matron from the Jingzhen Ducal Estate who knew how to bear and raise children, to attend Dou Yan through her confinement.
Was she to lose face all the way to the Jingzhen Ducal Estate?
Dou Fan could only swallow her broken teeth along with the blood, smile, and tell Wei Wan it had been her own carelessness, while her eyes kept darting toward Wei Fan, hoping he would step forward and hold Wei Wan back. But who would have guessed that heartless Wei Fan would nod again and again and declare with utmost approval, "Elder Sister means this for your own good!"
At the time she had been too furious to speak a single word.
They were newly wed then, and she knew she had been in the wrong, so after two days her anger faded.
To make up for her mother-in-law's disappointment, she soon conceived again, and the following January gave birth to her eldest son, Wei. Thirteen months later came her second son, Rui, and when Rui was three months old, she miscarried once more... her health was ruined from then on, and she came to dread the sight of Wei Fan. Only then was Hu taken in as a concubine.
Later, once she had established herself in the Wei household, there was a gauze-like distance between her and both her sons that no amount of effort could close. An inexpressible loneliness came over her, and so she had risked another birth and had Yin.
Perhaps because of the lesson her sons had taught her, once Yin was born she nursed the child herself and raised her with her own hands, and the girl grew especially close to her. If Yin lost sight of her for even a moment she would call out loudly for her "Mama," and Dou Zhiwei's heart would melt; whatever was good to eat, or fun to play with, or lovely to look at, she would make sure a share of it was set aside for Yin.
Without her protection, she wondered how the girl was faring now.
The thought flickered through her, and her eyes stung.
Then Dou Yan started.
She had returned to the past—how could there still be a Wei, a Rui, or a Yin?
It was as if something had scooped a great hollow out of her chest.
She lifted her head. Through the half-open lattice window she saw her uncle locked in endless argument with her Third Uncle, their manner fierce.
The Dou family was powerful. Even if her uncle won the argument, what good would it do?
Think back: Song Yan had killed his father and slain his brother, and the whole court of civil and military officials had impeached him—yet with the Emperor shielding him, had he not emerged utterly unscathed?
Song Yan also had an elder cousin and two younger cousins on his father's side, who by law could have inherited the title of Duke of Yingguo. But a single memorial from Song Chu was enough for the Emperor to strip the title of Duke of Yingguo away. Song Yan's cousins had raged and sworn to kill him, yet face to face with Song Sui they dared not let out so much as a squeak.
It might be better, after all, if her uncle sought a real post out in the northwest.