劍問蒼天 - 第46章 傷痛 - 清風書屋

Bili slowly turned her head and looked at Zhang Qingyue. Meeting her gaze, he could not help a chill at heart. "Do you know what it tastes like to wait for death there alone? Do you know the smell of your mother's corpse rotting slowly beside you? Do you know what it is to live forever unable to see your surroundings, forever in fear?"

With every question she asked, Zhang Qingyue's body gave a shudder.

Bili fell silent, while Zhang Qingyue scarce dared breathe. At last, as though waking from a dream — yet not quite awake — she went on in a daze: "Then one day, all at once, a ray of light shot down from above my head. I screamed in terror and hid in the deepest corner. Then the light grew brighter and brighter, and the opening above grew wider and wider. I heard father calling my name and my mother's, and then I saw father leap down and stand before me."

"He did not look at me first; he saw my mother first. When the light came just now I had only looked upward and had forgotten to look at my mother. By the time I remembered, father had already blocked my view and I could not see my mother's corpse. But I plainly saw father's body give a great start, his whole frame seeming to turn to stone. Then Uncle Qinglong, Uncle Baihu and Uncle Xuanwu, who had leapt down after father, each stood rooted where they were, not moving at all."

"Suddenly I was very frightened — even more frightened than when I waited for death in the dark. I called softly: Father. Father slowly turned around, and the three uncles ranged themselves in a row behind him, screening my mother's corpse, so that still I could not see her. I asked in a small voice: Father, where is mother?"

Zhang Qingyue saw it plainly: with every word Bili spoke now, her body shook, as though the little girl who asked that question stood there before them.

"Father said nothing, but his face was terrible. Young as I was, I knew — I knew — that at that moment he truly wanted to kill me, to kill me, his own daughter! But in the end he did not do it. He saved me, took me in his arms and carried me out of that dark cave. Just before we left, I secretly looked down past father's shoulder. My mother's corpse had already been buried by the three uncles, with only one hand left showing. But I do not know why — that hand, that hand, that hand ..."

Bili's voice suddenly fell silent. Zhang Qingyue started and looked at her, and saw that her face was ashen, her eyes tightly shut, and her whole body was pitching straight down — she had plainly fainted. Almost by instinct Zhang Qingyue rushed forward at once and caught her, only to find her icy to the touch, scarce like a living person.

He had but lately recovered from illness and was weak; it took him a great effort to lay Bili out flat upon the platform. Looking at her pale face, Zhang Qingyue suddenly realized that he was drenched from head to foot in cold sweat.

That night — though whether it was truly night he could not tell, only that by instinct Zhang Qingyue took it for night — Bili remained unconscious, but in her dreams she cried out from time to time "Mother," "Father," and the like. Their positions had somehow been reversed: it was now Zhang Qingyue who tended her.

But this was plainly a memory of utmost pain buried deep in Bili's heart. In her swoon she cried out several times, cold sweat pouring from her. Zhang Qingyue was at a loss what to do, until at last Bili's arm flailed out unknowingly and clutched his shoulder; once she had nestled into his arms, as though finding some support, she gradually calmed and fell into a quiet sleep. Yet those two hands gripped Zhang Qingyue's garments tightly, her nails even digging into his flesh, hurting him so that he grimaced. But somehow, looking at Bili's pale face, he could not bear to leave her; he forced himself to endure it and let her nestle in his arms, sleeping peacefully.