Chapter 30 — Choice

Despite her rebirth, all Dou Yan could influence were the people and events close to her. What was meant to come would still come.

In mid-April, Dou Wenchang, who had been studying in the capital under Dou Bingheng all this while, brought back a letter from him.

In the letter Dou Bingheng not only mentioned his imminent promotion to Vice Minister of the Ministry of Personnel, but also brought up Wang Xingyi's reinstatement, and quite tactfully inquired about Dou Huaiying's marriage prospects, saying that he and Wang Xingyi had passed the examinations in the same year, that when Ceng Yifen had been forced into retirement and Wang Xingyi sent into exile, his own days in the capital had been none too easy either, and that if Dou Huaiying's marriage had not yet been settled, it would be best to settle it soon. The Emperor was now advanced in years, his memory worsening by the day; some time ago, at a council with the Grand Secretariat, he had suddenly ordered a young eunuch to summon Chen Dong, the eunuch secretary of the Directorate of Ceremonial who had been dead for five or six years, to attend him with brush and ink. The youngest Grand Secretary was now Chen Jizhou of Songjiang; should he preside over next year's metropolitan examination, Dou Duo and Dou Shiqi were urged to discuss early whether every eligible son of the Dou family ought to sit for it.

Dou Duo's face changed drastically at the letter. He at once wrote to Dou Shiqi and had Dou Wenchang set out for Fuzhou that very night, while he himself took Dou Huaiying to the East Dou compound.

Dou Yan did not know what the letter said, but her mind had long been fixed on the matter of Wang Xingyi's reinstatement, and her grandfather's and father's strange behavior instantly put her on alert. She dismissed her maids to rest, keeping only Tuo Niang. "Go tell the gatekeepers at the second gate that if my grandfather and father come back, they are to send word at once."

Tuo Niang passed Dou Zhiwei's instructions to the second gate, then sat by the bed doing needlework.

At the hour of hai, word came from the second gate.

Tuo Niang roused Dou Yan.

Dou Yan dressed and went to the Hall of Crane and Longevity.

The two young servants attending her grandfather stood alertly at the door.

Seeing Dou Yan, they blurted in astonishment, both at once, "Fourth Miss!"

Her father, hearing the stir, came out with a look of surprise on his face. "Shouyuan, it's so late—why aren't you asleep?" His gaze, however, was fixed sternly on Tuo Niang.

Tuo Niang's calves trembled; she mumbled for a long while, not knowing what to say.

Dou Yan had already flung herself laughing into her father's arms. "You and Grandfather went visiting—why didn't you take me?"

Her father gave a helpless laugh and carried Dou Yan inside.

Her grandfather sat gravely on the kang; seeing them enter, his brows knotted tightly together. "If you had married earlier, Shouyuan would have someone to look after her. Look at the state of this household! In the middle of the night, Shouyuan is still running about the courtyard. What does this hotheadedness of yours accomplish, except to set your own mind at ease? One moment you say you have grown up and know your responsibilities, the next you go on doing irresponsible things."

Her father murmured assent, at a loss for words.

In her grandfather's words and her father's manner, Dou Yan saw an opening.

Her spirits soared as never before, and she decided to give her grandfather a taste of his own medicine. "Grandfather, I do have someone to look after me. Aunt Cui is my grandmother."

Her grandfather's face turned ashen; his gaze cut toward Dou Yan like a blade. Yet Dou Yan merely blinked her big eyes, smiling as she nibbled on her finger, the very picture of a child who knew nothing of the world.

He trembled with rage and berated her father. "This is not your decision to make. Tomorrow your third sister-in-law will go to the Zhu family in person to discuss the wedding date. From now on, you will apply yourself to your studies, and the inner household will be handed over to the Zhu woman to manage." Then he added, "Who are the ones attending Shouyuan? Dismiss every last one of them."

Her father said, "It is Nurse Yu who looks after Shouyuan. I gave my word to my brother-in-law." His tone was somewhat stubborn.

Her grandfather was struck dumb; in a fury he flung aside the door curtain and left.

Dou Yan dearly wanted to remind him: this is your study! If anyone should be driven out, it is us—why are you the one storming off in a huff?

Her father sighed and carried Dou Yan out of the Hall of Crane and Longevity.

The April night wind still carried a faint chill; the bright moonlight spilled over the pavilions and terraces, still and lovely as a painting.

Her father's steps grew slower and slower, until at last he stopped by the lotus pond.

"Shouyuan, do you know? Your fifth uncle has sent a letter," he murmured. "Your fifth uncle has sent the family a letter. Wang Xingyi—your Aunt Wang's father—is to be reinstated..."

Dou Zhiwei's heart pounded wildly; only now did she learn what Dou Bingheng's letter contained.

No wonder he was a future Grand Secretary—what a cold, hard heart.

She drew a sharp breath.

All along she had assumed that her fifth uncle and Wang Xingyi, bound by their shared examination year and their common interests, must be close and firm allies, and that Dou Bingheng was Wang Shuying's greatest patron in the Dou family—forgetting that Dou Bingheng was, after all, a man of the Dou clan, and forgetting how treacherous the political winds could be.

The hostas planted all around the lotus pond were white as jade, glowing softly in the moonlight and giving off a rich fragrance.

Her father sat down with her on the stone bench by the pond.

"Shouyuan, tell me, what is happening to us all?" He stared blankly at the lotus leaves just beginning to point their tips above the water. "I studied hard and won my degree—was it not to bring glory to my ancestors, to make the Dou family more prosperous and illustrious, to let the Dou clansmen live better than anyone else? And now—your mother has hanged herself, your uncle and I have fallen out, I cannot even keep the three years of mourning for your mother as I wish, and I may yet drag the fifth miss of the Zhu family into this, or even leave your sister motherless... Not only have I failed to give those around me peace and comfort, but because of me they are worse off than before. Then what was everything I did for? I have already wronged your mother; I cannot wrong the fifth miss of the Zhu family, cannot wrong Wang Shuying..."

Her father's melancholy gaze was like the pale moonlight—seeming very near, and very far.

It made Dou Yan's heart ache.

Her father was so utterly alone; only in the dead of night could he pour out his heart to a daughter too young to understand.

Suddenly she felt a little sorry for him.

※※※※※

The moment her father returned to the main chamber he wrote a letter, and before dawn he had the young servant call Gao Sheng in. "...Deliver it to the Zhu family in the east of the city before the Third Madam sets out."

Gao Sheng was much surprised, but he did as her father bade and went out.

At noon, her third aunt returned from the Zhu family with a troubled look on her face.

"Brother-in-law, the Zhu family says that to hold the wedding before the Dragon Boat Festival is too rushed. If word got out, people would think their fifth miss was being married off to dispel ill fortune!"

Her grandfather was displeased.

Only families that thought nothing of their daughters-in-law would resort to a "joyous rush" marriage to ward off ill fortune.

The Zhu family had put it far too unpleasantly.