Purple Streets of Chang'an - Chapter 20 — Passing Waters - 清風書屋

After that day, Mother fell ill.

Dou Yan was worried and stayed by her mother's side every day.

Smiling, Mother stroked her head. "Mama's fine, I'll be well very soon. Go and play on your own!" But her complexion grew paler with every passing day.

Father came to see her.

Mother took Father's hand of her own accord.

Father's fingers were long, slender, and pale, with sharply defined knuckles, upright as jade bamboo.

"Your smile is my favorite thing in all the world," Mother said, pressing Father's hand to her cheek. "Every time you look at me and smile, I think to myself, how can anyone smile so joyfully, so free of care? Like spring sunshine, it warms the heart along with it."

"The physician says your pulse is calm and steady. Rest well, and you'll be up in no time." Father's eyes reddened. "When you're better, I'll smile for you every day."

"Silly man!" Mother pressed her lips together and smiled, looking at him as one might look at a mischievous child, with a touch of doting affection. "Two people are together because they're happy, and that's why they smile. If you're unhappy, you can't force a smile, and you needn't try."

Father was taken aback.

Mother was already smiling again. "I just wanted you to come and apologize to me, to say that life has been quite unbearable since you left me."

Father was startled, then gave a sheepish laugh. "When you ignore me, I really am quite out of sorts."

"With me gone from your side, you're merely out of sorts!" Mother teased him, smiling, her eyes very tolerant and calm, though her voice gradually sank lower. "I thought that only when I was beside you could you smile so joyfully. So it turns out others can make you laugh just as I did...

Father did not catch what Mother had said. He bent over her bed and asked gently, "What did you say?"

"Nothing!" Mother smiled. "Just a little tired!"

"Then talk less." Father held her hand. "I'll stay here with you, and leave once you've fallen asleep."

Mother nodded, closed her eyes, and soon fell asleep.

Dou Yan, who had been eavesdropping, ran out and flung the little sandbag from the heated kang savagely onto the floor.

What was this supposed to be?

A perfect reconciliation?

The thought flashed through her mind, and she felt disheartened at once.

And what if it weren't?

She still wanted a little brother!

But why did it feel as though a hand had closed around her heart, leaving her chest so stifled?

Dou Yan sat blankly at the edge of the kang.

Father came out from the inner room, saw Dou Yan, paused mid-step, then turned and sat down beside her. "Shouyuan, everyone praises your cleverness and says you can now speak very long sentences in one breath. Say something for me to hear?"

Dou Yan cast Father a glance and lowered her head to play with the sandbag in her hands.

Father, in high good humor, laughed. "That sandbag is very neatly made. Who helped you with it?"

Dou Yan still ignored him.

Father took no offense. Chuckling, he scooped Dou Yan up. "Come, Daddy will teach you to write!"

"I don't like writing," Dou Yan said rebelliously. "I want to go on the swing!"

"Very well!" Father laughed. "Let's go on the swing."

In the rear garden the trees and plants still vied in their lush beauty.

Dou Yan swung with Father for a while, and her spirits gradually lifted.

Perhaps Mother was right to do this.

To bow her head first and draw Father back into her rooms... better than dragging on this cold war with not even a step down to be found.

She found Father somewhat easier on the eyes now.

"Daddy, push me higher!"

"All right!"

Father sent her soaring into midair.