Chapter 20 — Passing Waters
Purple Streets of Chang'an Page 2 of 2
How could she expect a twenty-year-old mother to understand what she herself had only understood at thirty?
Some wounds, buried deep in the heart, leave not a trace on the surface, even if the flesh beneath is mangled beyond recognition.
Her mother had never truly been at ease, had she? Never truly found release?
Dou Yan looked across.
Her father, all in plain white, had a bluish cast to his face, his eye sockets sunken, and he looked utterly haggard.
He was kneeling before the mourning basin, burning paper money for her mother sheet by sheet, his expression earnest and reverent, as though what he held were talismans.
Wang Shuying came over, her eyes red-rimmed; she knelt beside Father, shoulder to shoulder, silently took up a stack of paper money from the side, tore the sheets apart one by one, and dropped them into the basin along with him.
"Seventh Master!" Her voice was hoarse, tinged with sobs. "You have been kneeling here a day and a night already; if you go on like this, your health will be ruined... Sister's funeral still depends on you to see it through!"
Father made no reply, gently drawing the paper money from Wang Shuying's hand, and went on burning it.
A flicker of embarrassment crossed Wang Shuying's face; she knelt there a long while, and Father did not so much as glance at her. Her eyes dimmed, and she withdrew quietly.
Sixth Uncle came over and took Father by the arm. "Wanyuan, don't be like this. The dead are gone; it is the living who should take care of themselves."
Father refused to rise.
Before his close friend and his elder cousin, he wept in a low voice: "Guqiu and I agreed we would have five sons and three daughters... now she is gone, and there is not even a son to smash the mourning bowl... just let me burn a few more sheets of paper money for her... my heart is truly in torment..."
Sixth Uncle stamped his foot, yet his eyes glistened: "Grieve as you must, but now is not the time!" His voice gradually deepened as he spoke. "Ruifu is back! He did not take part in the selection of Hanlin bachelor degree candidates..."
Dou Yan raised her head.
Ruifu was the courtesy name of her uncle Zhao Si.
"By my reckoning, he should arrive very soon." The Sixth Uncle's voice was bitter. "When you see Ruifu, have you thought about what you'll say? Third Brother and the others are all in Uncle's study. We must agree on an explanation beforehand..."
"Explanation? What explanation?" Father murmured, his mind clearly still wandering in the void. "It's all my fault... That time, when Yu the nurse said she meant to hang herself, I thought she was only trying to threaten me... In truth, she had truly given up on me in despair... and I knew nothing of it, even congratulating myself that I had won... She said she would wait for me to apologize, said she wanted me to admit that I was utterly miserable without her..." He flung himself down before his wife's spirit tablet and wept bitterly. "I didn't know it would come to this, I truly didn't know... I promised my brother-in-law I would take good care of Guqiu, that I would treat her well all my life... I broke my word... She called me vile... and she was not wrong at all..."
"Wanyuan, Wanyuan!" The Sixth Uncle wiped the corner of his eye with the back of his hand and dragged Father to his feet with all his strength. "We'll speak of all this later. The pressing matter now is to give Ruifu an accounting. You cannot act on impulse."
Father shook his head, his heart dead within him. "I have wronged Guqiu. Once I have finished arranging her funeral, he may deal with me however he pleases!"
The Sixth Uncle was furious. He called in two servants and had Father carried off to the Hall of Crane and Longevity.
Dou Yan ran outside.
Wang Shuying stood beneath the magnolia tree outside the mourning hall, gazing blankly at the receding backs of Father and the Sixth Uncle.
Dou Yan called to her: "Concubine Wang!"
Wang Shuying turned. She glanced at the serving women beyond the mourning hall, then came over with a fitting smile. "Shouyuan, what is it?" Her tone was gentle.
"You're very eager to bear a son, aren't you?" Dou Yan lifted her head, her dark eyes fixed steadily on the other's, and spoke in a voice only the two of them could hear. "But what a pity, the child in your belly is a daughter! Once the mourning period is over and the new mistress enters the household, I wonder whether she will be as easy to deal with as my mother?"
"You..." Wang Shuying was stricken with horror. She retreated again and again in fright, staring at Dou Yan as though she had seen a monster.
Dou Yan was well satisfied.
Leng Heng curled her lip and walked past her, her posture straight as a pine.
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